Folks, Uncle Ted has spoken. He’s not only a giant fan of Jason Aldean, but has agreed to do a duet with Jason at the biggest stage in America: Mar A Lago. And to do it in front of America’s biggest hero. Donald John Trump. It’s going to be amazing and patriotic.
It didn’t take long for Uncle Ted to hear about Jason Aldean being cancelled by CMT and the liberal media. If there’s one thing these progressives fear, it’s Uncle Ted Nugent, the Motor City Madman! Ted is known for being an outspoken patriot. He’s unapologetically American.
Ted’s reputation precedes him. Like the time he got high on drugs and crapped his pants to get out of serving in the military or the time he married a 14 year old girl to legally sleep with her. Ahhhh Ted Nugent. Conservative. Christian. Patriot. That’s our Uncle Ted.
When Ted Nugent heard of the controversy young Jason Aldean was going through, he took off his rocker hat and put on his uncle hat to help the young man through his time of need. God knows Ted Nugent won’t ever skip out on an opportunity to get his name in the news.
Ted Nugent historian Joe Barron said he sees so many similarities in Jason Aldean. Just like Ted, he’s a musician. A few marriages? Yep. Younger women? Yep. Infidelity? Check. Really weird political worship of failures? You betcha. Treats people lower than dogshit? That’s our Uncle Ted, and Jason Aldean is just like him.
So what if the video was filled with racist dogwhistles and Jason aldean only plays a tough guy in the studio and then runs at the first sight of trouble? Just like Ted! And who better to showcase two soft men who couldn’t fight their way out of a wet paper bag than the biggest faux tough guy himself?
I’m sure you’ll count this as a weird victory and be proud of your weird hero worship and tough guy fetish. You’ll be patiently waiting to hear something you’ll never get to see. But keep dreaming. One day you’ll be out of that 1978 Ford Fairmont and mingling at Mar a Lago too. God Bless America.