How much money do you think you’d be able to accept to sit through a taping or two of “The View” on a daily basis? A hundred dollars? A thousand dollars? Five thousand dollars?

That’s the situation that producers of ABC’S flailing television talk show are finding themselves in nowadays, as ratings plummet and controversial talk topics breed insincerity and cringe. However, many associated with the day to day operation of the show are blaming the hosts.

“Whoopi Goldberg is caustic and can’t seem to say anything nice about anyone,” says curtain foreperson Sandra Batt. “Even the guests. She’s run off quite a few.”

“I was walking through the green room the other day, just working, you know,” said hors de ou’vre fluffer Joe Barron. “And this super ugly smelly blouse was on the coat rack. I went to get rid of it, and to my shock, it wasn’t a blouse – it was Joy Behar! Why is she still here?”

According to a host of other ABC insiders, it’s not easy to get audiences to sit through the usual crap now and clap like trained seals. The current going rate salary for an observer is about two-hundred and fifty dollars per episode. That comes out to more than two thousand dollars a week by my math.

Not bad work if you can get it, I suppose. Or then again…is it?

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